Category: vetinari

teraboolove:This was exactly what I expected a…


This was exactly what I expected and more

Vetinari at the beach. 

Thus, Always. – oneinspats – Discworld – Terry…

Thus, Always. – oneinspats – Discworld – Terry Pratchett [Archive of Our Own]:


Chapters: 12/?
Fandom: Discworld – Terry Pratchett
Rating: Explicit
Relationships: Lord Downey/Havelock Vetinari, other canon pairings
Characters: Lord Downey, Havelock Vetinari, Mad Lord Snapcase, Samuel Vimes
Additional Tags: Dead People, assassins being assassins, tyrants being tyrants, Mushrooms, everything can be a poison, it’s the dose that matters, very early days of established relationship
Series: Part 2 of coveting desperate things

After no more a desolate thing Downey and Vetinari are muddling through. Unfortunate segues into the past which runs parallel to the present. Families are a sticky business, always. Oh, and there’s been a death.

[You do not have to read ‘no more…’ to read this.]


‘I expect better from both you,’ Dr. Tindel continues. ‘I’ve known you both since you were nine and while I am given to understand that there is something of a rivalry between you both–’

‘One sided, I assure you,’ Vetinari says quickly.

Dr. Tindel ignores him.

‘I expect you to behave in a manner that befits gentlemen of this establishment. Thankfully, as it is summer, no one but poor Mr. Willis had to witness you both embarrassing yourselves in such a childish way.’

‘It’s DB’s fault,’ Downey is plaintive.

Dr. Tindel ignores him, too.


Lord Vetinari inspected the rails and the little carts the dwarfs had used to shift spoil. He felt the dry walls, He went back upstairs and frowned as a one-ton slab of iron came through the wall, whirled past his face, passed through the opposite wall, and buried itself in the street outside.
“And was that supposed to happen?” he said, brushing plaster dust off his robe.

– hanging out with Leonard has gotten him used to this |
Terry Pratchett, Thud!


Vetinari leaned back, and stared at the ceiling.
“Tell me, Drumknott, are you a betting man at all?”
“I have been known to have the occasional ‘little flutter,’ sir.”
“Given, then, a contest between an invisible and very powerful quasidemonic thing of pure vengeance on the one hand, and the commander on the other, where would you wager, say… one dollar?”
“I wouldn’t, sir. That looks like one that would go to the judges.”
“Yes,” said Vetinari, staring thoughtfully at the closed door. “Yes, indeed.”

– not even Nobby could calculate those odds |
Terry Pratchett, Thud!


“I shall make sure the Low King is at least aware of your presence.”
“Don’t worry, he’ll find out soon enough,” growled Vimes. “Oh, yes.”
“I have no doubt he will. He has his agents in our city, just as I have in his. So I will do him the courtesy of telling him formally what he will in any case know. That is called politics, Vimes. It is a thing we try to do in the government.”

– Vetinari sass |
Terry Pratchett, Thud!


It was almost midnight, and there was Vetinari at his desk, fresh as a daisy and chilly as morning dew.

– classic Pratchett descriptive language |
Terry Pratchett, Thud!


“All this over one murder?” he said, trying to stifle a yawn.
“No, Vimes. You said it yourself: all this over thousands of years of tension and politics and power struggles. In recent years, things have gone in certain ways, causing power to shift. There are those who would like it to shift back, even if it returns on a tide of blood. Who cares about one dwarf? But if his death can be turned into a casus belli–” here Lord Vetinari looked at Vimes’s sleepy eyes and went on, “–that is, a reason for war, then suddenly he is the most important dwarf in the world.”

– What it’s really about | 
Terry Pratchett, Thud!


Listen to me. If Rhys falls, the next Low King will not be one who is prepared to talk to the trolls. Can I make it simple for you? Those clans whose leaders have been dealing with Rhys will in all likelihood feel they have been made fools of, overthrow said leaders, and replace them with trolls too belligerent and stupid to be fools. And there will be a war, Vimes. It’ll come here. It won’t be a gang crumble such as you thwarted last night. We won’t be able to hold fast or stand aloof. Because we have our own fools, Vimes, as I’m sure you know, who’ll insist we pick sides. Koom Valley will be everywhere. Find me a murderer, Vimes. Hound them down and bring them into the daylight. Troll or dwarf or human, it doesn’t matter. Then at least we shall have the truth, and can make use of it. It is rumor and uncertainty that are our enemies now. The Low King’s throne trembles, Vimes, and thus do the foundations of the world.”
Vetinari paused, and carefully squared up the paperwork in front of him, as if he now felt he’d gone too far.
“However, obviously I do not wish to put you under any kind of pressure,” he finished.
In Vimes’s confused, lukewarm brain, one word bobbed to the surface.
“Crumble?” he said.
Lord Vetinari’s secretary leaned down and whispered into his master’s ear.
“Ah, I believe I meant ‘rumble’,” said Vetinari brightly.

– so close to perfect |
Terry Pratchett, Thud!


“We need to know the truth, Vimes. Commander Sam Vimes’s truth. It may count for more than you think. In the Plains, certainly, and much further. People know about you, Commander. Descendant of a watchman who believed that if a corrupted court will not behead an evil king, then the watchman should do it himself–”
“It was only one king,” Vimes protested. “It wasn’t a habit!”
“Sam Vimes once arrested me for treason,” said Vetinari calmly. “And Sam Vimes once arrested a dragon. Sam Vimes stopped a war between nations by arresting two high commands. He’s an arresting fellow, Sam Vimes. Sam Vimes killed a werewolf with his bare hands, and carries law with him, like a lamp–”
“Where did all that come from?”
“Watchmen across half the continent will say that Sam Vimes is as straight as an arrow, can’t be corrupted, won’t be turned, never took a bribe.”

– on Sam Vimes |
Terry Pratchett, Thud!


“Might I inquire, Vimes, why one of my most conscientious and most decidedly civilian clerks was in a position to do this?”
Vimes shifted uncomfortably. “He was inspecting. Learning all about us, sir.”
He gave Vetinari a look that said: If you take this any further, I will have to lie.
Vetinari returned one that said: I know.
“You yourself are not too badly injured?” the Patrician said aloud.
“Just a few scratches, sir,” said Vimes.
Vetinari gave him a look that said: Broken ribs, I’m certain of it.
Vimes returned one that said: Nothing.

– they’ve known each other for a while |
Terry Pratchett, Thud!