Category: Rob Anybody

Regular

Rob Anybody held up a hand for silence and looked across at Jeannie, who had a crowd of little Feegles surrounding her. She was smiling at him, and his sons were staring at their father in silent astonishment. One day, Rob thought, they’ll be able to walk up to even the longest words and give them a good kicking. Not even commas and those tricksie semicolonses will stop them!
He had to be a hero.
“Ah’m feelin’ guid about this readin’,” said Rob Anybody. “Bring it on!”
And he read Principles of Modern Accountancy all morning, but just to make it interesting, he put lots of dragons in it.


Terry Pratchett, Wintersmith

Regular

In the middle was a large book, taller than Rob and filled with colorful pictures. It was quite muddy from its journey down into the mound. Rob had been challenged. For years he’d thought himself to be a hero, and then the hag o’ hags has said he wasna, no’ really. Weel, you couldn’t argue wi’ the hag o’ hags, but he wuz goin’ to rise tae the challenge, oh aye, so he wuz, or his name wasna Rob Anybody.
“Where’s mah coo?” he read. “Is that mah coo? It gaes cluck! It is a… a… chicken! It is no’ mah coo! An’ then there’s this wee paintin’ o’ a couple o’ chickens. That’s another page, right?”
“It is indeed, Rob,” said Billy Bigchin.
There was a cheer from the assembled Feegles as Rob ran around the book, waving his hands in the air.

– starting with the classics |
Terry Pratchett, Wintersmith

Regular

Behind him, Daft Wullie shouted, in his cheerful way, “Make yer aunties proud of ye!”
Roland half turned, suddenly angry. “My aunts? Let me tell you about my aunts–”
“No time, laddie!” shouted Rob Anybody. “Get on wi’ it!”
Roland looked around, his mind on fire.
Our memories are real, he thought. And I will not stand for this!
He turned to the not-Tiffany and said: “Don’t be afraid.” Then he held out his left hand and whispered, under his breath: “I remember… a sword…”
When he shut his eyes, there it was – so light he could barely feel it, so thin he could hardly see it, a line in the air that was made up mostly of sharpness. He’d killed a thousand enemies with it, in the mirror. It was never too heavy, it moved like a part of him, and here it was. A weapon that chopped away everything that clung and lied and stole.
“Mebbe ye can make a Hero all in one go,” said Rob Anybody thoughtfully, as bogles scribbled themselves into existence and died. He turned to Daft Wullie. “Daft Wullie?” he said. “Can ye bring to mind when I told ye that sometimes ye say exactly the right thing?”
Daft Wullie looked baffled. “Noo that ye mention it, Rob, I dinna recall ye ever sayin’ that, ever.”
“Aye?” said Rob. “Weel, if I had done, just now would ha’ been one o’ those times.”
Daft Wullie looked worried. “That’s all right, though, aye? I said somethin’ right?”
“Aye. Ye did, Daft Wullie. A First. I’m proud o’ ye,” said Rob.
Daft Wullie’s face split in an enormous grin. “Crivens! Hey, lads, I said–”
“But dinna get carried awa’,” Rob added.

– a proud moment |
Terry Pratchett, Wintersmith

Regular

THAT WILL BE SIX PENNIES, he said.
“Six?” said Roland.
“Ah, we wasna doon here more’n two hour, an’ bang went sixpence!” said Daft Wullie.
ONE ONE-DAY ROUND TRIP, ONE ONE-WAY, said the ferryman.
“I don’t have that much!” Roland shouted. He was beginning to feel little tugs in his head now. Thoughts had to push hard to get as far as his mouth.
“Leave this tae me,” said Rob Anybody. He turned to look down on his fellow Feegles and banged on Roland’s helmet for silence.
“Okay, lads,” he announced. “We’re no’ leavin’!”
WHAT? said the ferryman. OH NO, YOU LEAVE! I’M NOT HAVING YOU DOWN HERE AGAIN! WE’RE STILL FINDING THE BOTTLES FROM LAST TIME! COME ON, GET ON THE BOAT THIS MINUTE!
“Crivens, we canna do that, pal,” said Rob Anybody. “We’re under a geas to help this lad, ye ken. Where he disna go, we dinna go!”
PEOPLE ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO WANT TO STAY HERE! snapped the ferryman.
“Ach, we’ll soon ha’ the old place jumpin’ again,” said Rob Anybody, grinning.
The ferryman drummed his fingers on the pole. They made a clicking sound, like dice.
OH, ALL RIGHT THEN. BUT – AND I WANT TO BE CLEAR ON THIS – THERE IS TO BE NO SINGING!

– a bargain |
Terry Pratchett, Wintersmith

Regular

“Ah, I think I’ve heard of this,” said Roland. “There’s a ferryman, right?”
YES.
He was there, suddenly, standing in a long, low boat. He was all in black, of course in black, with a deep hood that entirely concealed his face and gave a definite feeling that this was just as well.
“Hi, pal,” said Rob Anybody cheerfully. “How’re ye doin’?”
OH, NOT YOU PEOPLE AGAIN, said the dark figure in a voice that was not so much heard as felt. I THOUGHT YOU WERE BANNED.

– some piece of an old friend |
Terry Pratchett, Wintersmith

Regular

“I was expecting somewhere… hotter,” he said, trying to keep the relief out of his voice. Around him, Feegles popped out of nowhere.
“Ah, you’re thinkin’ o’ hells,” said Rob Anybody. “They tends to be on the toasty side, it’s true. Underworlds are more o’ the gloomy sort. IT’s where folks end up when they’s lost, ye ken.”
“What? You mean if it’s a dark night and you take the wrong turning–”
“Ach, no! Like mebbe deid when they shouldn’t be an’ there’s nae place for ‘em tae go, or they fall doon a gap in the worlds an’ dinna ken the way. Some o’ them don’t even ken where they are, poor souls. There’s an awful lot o’ that kind o’ thing. There’s no’ a lot o’ laughs in a underworld. This one used tae be called LImbo, ye ken, ‘cuz the door was verra low. Looks like it’s gone way downhill since we wuz last here.” He raised his voice. “An’ a big hand, lads, for young Wee Dangerous Spike, oot wi’ us for the first time!” There was a ragged cheer, and Wee Dangerous Spike waved his sword.

– a day trip |
Terry Pratchett, Wintersmith

Regular

“I don’t think I’m the type you’re looking for…”
“Oh, I wouldna say that,” said Rob Anybody wearily. “Accordin’ tae the hag o’ hags, ye’re just the laddie. Ye just need someone tae fight with…”
Big Yan, always suspicious, looked at his brother and followed his gaze to the battered suit of armor.
“Oh aye?” he growled. “Weel, Ah’m no’ gonna be a knee!”

– he’s always the knee |
Terry Pratchett, Wintersmith

Regular

“‘Row, Row, Row Yer Boat’?” Daft Wullie suggested.
“Whut aboot it?” said Rob Anybody as the log began to speed up.
“Why don’t we all sing it?” said Daft Wullie. The walls of the canyon were closing in fast now.
“Okay,” said Rob. “After all, it is a pleasin’ naut-ickal ditty. And Wullie, ye’re tae keep yon cheese away fra’ me. I dinna like the way it’s lookin’ at me.“
“It hasna got any eyes, Rob,” said Wullie meekly, holding on to Horace.
“Aye, that’s whut I mean,” said Rob sourly.
“Horace didna mean tae try an’ eat ye, Rob,” said Daft Wullie meekly. “An’ ye wuz sae nice an clean when he spat ye oot.”
“An’ hoo come ye ken whut name a cheese has?” Rob demanded, as white water began to splash over the log.”
“He told me, Rob.”
“Aye?” said Rob, and shrugged. “Oh, okay. I wouldna argue wi’ a cheese.”

– conversations to have as you prepare to go over a waterfall | Terry Pratchett, Wintersmith

Regular

Rob Anybody airily waved a hand. “Ach,” he said, “we ken this trick! A’ we need is a big hat an’ coat an’ a coat hanger an’ a broom handle!”
“Oh aye?” said Big Yan. “Well, I’m not bein’ doon in the knee again!”

– they’ve done this one |
Terry Pratchett, Wintersmith

Regular

“What we’ve got here,” Rob Anybody pronounced, “is a case o’ Romance.”
“What’s that, Rob?” asked a Feegle.
“Aye, is it like how wee babbies are made?” asked Daft Wullie. “Ye told about that last year. It wuz verra interestin’, although a bit far-fetched tae my mind.”

– a good summary |
Terry Pratchett, Wintersmith