Category: quotes



“You should do things because they’re right. Not because gods say so. They might say something different another time.”

– Terry Pratchett – Small Gods



“The stories never said why she was wicked. It was enough to be an old woman, enough to be all alone, enough to look strange because you have no teeth. It was enough to be called a witch. If it came to that, the book never gave you the evidence of anything. It talked about “a handsome prince”… was he really, or was it just because he was a prince that people called handsome? As for “a girl who was as beautiful as the day was long”… well, which day? In midwinter it hardly ever got light! The stories don’t want you to think, they just wanted you to believe what you were told…“

– Terry Pratchett – The Wee Free Men



““I need no axe to be a dwarf,” said Bashfullsson. “Nor do I need to hate trolls. What kind of creature defines itself by hatred?”

— Terry Pratchett, Thud!



“It was much better to imagine men in some smoky room somewhere, made mad and cynical by privilege and power, plotting over the brandy. You had to cling to this sort of image, because if you didn’t then you might have to face the fact that bad things happened because ordinary people, the kind who brushed the dog and told their children bedtime stories, were capable of then going out and doing horrible things to other ordinary people.”

— Terry Pratchett, Jingo



The worst thing you can do is nothing.

Terry Pratchett, “Thud”

The Patrician stopped and prodded at one of th…

The Patrician stopped and prodded at one of the drawings.
‘There’s a piece of yellow paper stuck to this one,’ he said, suspiciously. He pulled at it. It came away from the drawing with a faint sucking noise, and then stuck to his fingers. On the note, in Leonard’s crabby backward script, were the words: ‘krow ot smees sihT: omeM’.
‘Oh, I’m rather pleased with that,’ said Leonard. ‘I call it my “Handy-note-scribbling-piece-of-paper-with-glue-that-comes-unstuck-when-you-want”.’
The Patrician played with it for a while.
‘What’s the glue made of?’
‘Boiled slugs.’
The Patrician pulled the paper off one hand. It stuck to the other hand.

‘We’re just holding [Beano’s…

‘We’re just holding [Beano’s] funeral,’ said the little clown.
‘That’s why my trousers are at half-mast.’
They stepped out into the sunlight again.
The inner courtyard was lined with clowns and fools. Bells tinkled in the breeze. Sunlight glinted off red noses and the occasional nervous jet of water from a fake buttonhole.
A band struck up, and a procession of Guild members emerged from the chapel. A clown walked a little way ahead, carrying a small urn.
‘This is very moving,’ said Boffo.
On a dais on the opposite side of the quadrangle was a fat clown in baggy trousers, huge bracers, a bow tie that was spinning gently in the breeze, and a top hat. His face had been painted into a picture of misery. He held a bladder on a stick.
The clown with the urn reached the dais, climbed the steps, and waited. 
The band fell silent.
The clown in the top hat hit the urn-carrier about the head with the bladder – once, twice, three times …
The urn-bearer stepped forward, waggled his wig, took the urn in one hand and the clown’s belt in the other and, with great solemnity, poured the ashes of the late Brother Beano into the clown’s trousers.
A sigh went up from the audience. The band struck up the clown anthem ‘The March of the Idiots’, and the end of the trombone flew off and a hit a clown on the back of the head. He turned and swung a punch at the clown behind him, who ducked, causing a third clown to be knocked through the bass drum.
Colon and Nobby looked at one another and shook their heads.
Boffo produced a large red and white handkerchief and blew his nose with a humorous honking sound.
‘Classic’, he said. ‘It’s what he would’ve wanted.’
‘Have you any idea what happened?’ said Colon.
‘Oh, yes, Brother Grineldi did the old heel-and-toes trick and tipped the urn down–’



…more highly bred than a hilltop bakery…

from Men at Arms by Terry Pratchett

…really?! Really Sir Terry?!?!

riteofashkente: The new sergeant-at-arms pick…


The new sergeant-at-arms picked up his badge with care and saluted yet again. ‘Oath, sir,’ he said.

‘Oh, er, that thing? Er, I believe I’ve got it written down somewh—’

Vimes took a deep breath. This probably wasn’t a good idea, but he was flying now.

Night Watch by Terry Pratchett, pp. 115-116.

riteofashkente: The flower buds were noticea…


The flower buds were noticeably swelling. He stood and stared, as a man might stare at an old battlefield… 

Night Watch by Sir Terry Pratchett