Category: humour

Regular

“He’d noticed that sex bore some resemblance to cookery: It fascinated people, they sometimes bought books full of complicated recipes and interesting pictures, and sometimes when they were really hungry they created vast banquets in their imagination—but at the end of the day they’d settle quite happily for egg and chips, if it was well done and maybe had a slice of tomato.”

– Terry Pratchett – The Fifth Elephant

Regular

“What would be the point of cyphering messages that very clever enemies couldn’t break? You’d end up not knowing what they thought you thought they were thinking …”

– Terry Pratchett – The Fifth Elephant

Regular

“No one knows how to do officering, Fred. That’s why they’re officers. If they knew anything, they’d be sergeants.”

– Terry Pratchett – The Fifth Elephant

Regular

“Vimes hated and despised the privileges of rank, but they had this to be said for them: at least they meant that you could hate and despise them in comfort.”

– Terry Pratchett – The Fifth Elephant

Regular

“Across the street, a clown picked up a ladder, turned, knocked the clown behind him into a bucket of water, then turned again to see what the commotion was, thus sending his rising victim into the bucket again with a surprising parping noise. The crowd watched silently. If it were funny, clowns wouldn’t be doing it.”

– Terry Pratchett – The Fifth Elephant

Regular

“The really odd thing about human sex, though, was the way it went on even when people were fully clothed and sitting on opposite sides of a fire. It was in the things they said and did not say, the way they looked at one another and looked away.”

– Terry Pratchett – The Fifth Elephant

Regular

“Sometimes Carrot sounded like a civics essay written by a stunned choirboy.”

Regular

“It was funny how people were people everywhere you went, even if the people concerned weren’t the people the people who made up the phrase "people are people everywhere” had traditionally thought of as people.“

– Terry Pratchett – The Fifth Elephant

Regular

“Everyone’s thinking these days. I think there’s a good deal too much of this thinking, that’s what I think. We never thought about thinking when I was a lad. We’d never get anything done if we thought first.”

– Terry Pratchett – The Amazing Maurice And His Educated Rodents

Regular

“Scuse me, ’scuse me,” said a voice from beside him. He looked down this time at a dirty, half-scorched cat, who grinned at him. “Did that cat just speak?” asked the mayor. Maurice looked around. “Which one?” he said. “You! Did you just talk?” “Would you feel better if I said no?” said Maurice.

– Terry Pratchett – The Amazing Maurice And His Educated Rodents