Category: funny

Regular

“So much paperwork to read!  So much paperwork to push away!  So much paperwork to delegate!  So much paperwork to pretend he hadn’t received and might have been eaten by the gargoyles.”

– Terry Pratchett – Snuff

Regular

“He rather liked people.  It was a major failing in a demon. Oh, he did his best to make their short lives miserable, because that was his job, but nothing he could think up was half as bad as the stuff they thought up themselves.  They seemed to have a talent for it.  It was built into the design, somehow.  They were born into a world that was against them in a thousand little ways, and they devoted most of their energies to making it worse.  Over the years Crowley had found it increasingly difficult to find anything demonic to do which showed up against the natural background of generalized nastiness.”

– Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman – Good Omens

Regular

“And she made sure that she had always put sprouts on to boil just before a séance.  Nothing is more reassuring, nothing is more true to the comfortable spirit of English occultism, than the smell of Brussel sprouts cooking in the next room.”

– Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman – Good Omens

Regular

“Crowley had been extremely impressed with the warranties offered by the computer industry, and had in fact sent a bundle Below to the department that drew up the Immortal Soul agreements, with a yellow memo form attached just saying:‘Learn, guys.’”

– Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman – Good Omens

Regular

“Crowley had been extremely impressed with the warranties offered by the computer industry, and had in fact sent a bundle Below to the department that drew up the Immortal Soul agreements, with a yellow memo form attached just saying:‘Learn, guys.’”

– Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman – Good Omens

Regular

“It’d be a funny old world, he reflected, if demons went around trusting one another.”

– Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman – Good Omens

Regular

“A psychiatrist, dealing with a man who fears he is being followed by a large and terrible monster, will endeavour to convince him that monsters don’t exist. Granny Weatherwax would simply give him a chair to stand on and a very heavy stick.”

– Terry Pratchett – Masquerade

Regular

“She gave a depreciating little chuckle.  And if Nanny Ogg had been listening, she would have resolved as follows: that no maddened cackle from Black Aliss of infamous memory, no evil little giggle from some crazed vampyre whose morals were worse than his spelling, no side-splitting guffaw from the most inventive torturer, was quite so unnerving as a happy little chuckle from a Granny Weatherwax about to do what’s best.”

– Terry Pratchett – Masquerade

Regular

“Granny Weatherwax had never heard of psychiatry and would have had no truck with it even if she had.  There are some arts too black even for a witch.”

– Terry Pratchett – Masquerade

Regular

“People who would not believe a High Priest if he said the sky was blue, and was able to produce signed affidavits to this effect from his white-haired old mother and three Vestal virgins, would trust just about anything whispered darkly behind their hand by a complete stranger in a pub.”

– Terry Pratchett – Masquerade