Category: funny

Regular

“They said that dying was just like going to sleep, although of course if you weren’t careful bits of you could rot and drop off.”

– Terry Pratchett – Reaper Man

Regular

“Ridcully sighed.

‘All right, you fellows,’ he said. ‘No magic at Table, you know the rules. Who’s playing silly buggers?’

The other senior wizards stared at him.

‘I, I, I don’t think we can play it any more,’ said the Bursar, who at the moment was only occasionally bouncing off the sides of sanity, ‘I, I, I think we lost some of the pieces…”

– Terry Pratchett – Reaper Man

Regular

“Death’s pale horse looked up from its oats and gave a little whinny of greeting. The horse’s name was Binky. He was a real horse. Death had tried fiery steeds and skeletal horses in the past, and found them impractical, especially the fiery ones, which tended to set light to their own bedding and stand in the middle of it looking embarrassed.”

– Terry Pratchett – Reaper Man

Regular

“Got to write a book, see, to prove you’re a philosopher. Then you get your scroll and free official philosopher’s loofah.”

– Terry Pratchett – Small Gids

Regular

“It is strange that, although it takes years of effort and work and scheming for a god to get there, once there they never seem to do a lot apart from drink too much and indulge in a little mild corruption. Many systems of government follow the same broad lines.”

– Terry Pratchett – Small Gods

Regular

“Every five years someone was elected to be Tyrant, provided he could prove that he was honest, intelligent, sensible, and trustworthy. Immediately after he was elected, of course, it was obvious to everyone that he was a criminal madman and totally out of touch with the view of the ordinary philosopher in the street looking for a towel. And then five years later they elected another one just like him, and really it was amazing how intelligent people kept on making the same mistakes.”

– Terry Pratchett – Small Gods

Regular

“The labyrinth of Ephebe is ancient and full of one hundred and one amazing things you can do with hidden springs, razor-sharp knives, and falling rocks. There isn’t just one guide through it. There are six, and each one knows his way through one-sixth of the labyrinth. Every year they have a special competition, when they do a little redesigning. They vie with one another to see who can make his section even more deadly than the others to the casual wanderer. There’s a panel of judges and a small prize.

The furthest anyone ever got through the labyrinth without a guide was nineteen paces. Well, more or less. His head rolled a further seven paces, but that probably doesn’t count.”

– Terry Pratchett – Small Gods

Regular

“There are billions of gods in the world. They swarm as thick as herring roe. Most of them are too small to see and never get worshipped, at least by anything bigger than bacteria, who never say their prayers and don’t demand much in the way of miracles.

They are the small god’s – the spirits of places where two ant trails cross, the gods of microclimates down between the grass roots. And most of them stay that way. Because what they lack is belief.”

Regular

“You’re not one of us.”

“I don’t think I’m one of them, either,” said Brutha. “I’m one of mine.”

– Terry Pratchett – Small Gods

Regular

“You had to laugh. Otherwise you’d go mad.”

– Terry Pratchett – Small Gods