Category: funny

Regular

“He’d noticed that sex bore some resemblance to cookery: It fascinated people, they sometimes bought books full of complicated recipes and interesting pictures, and sometimes when they were really hungry they created vast banquets in their imagination—but at the end of the day they’d settle quite happily for egg and chips, if it was well done and maybe had a slice of tomato.”

– Terry Pratchett – The Fifth Elephant

Regular

“Well, he thought, so this is diplomacy. It’s like lying, only to a better class of people.”

– Terry Pratchett – The Fifth Elephant

Regular

“What would be the point of cyphering messages that very clever enemies couldn’t break? You’d end up not knowing what they thought you thought they were thinking …”

– Terry Pratchett – The Fifth Elephant

Regular

“No one knows how to do officering, Fred. That’s why they’re officers. If they knew anything, they’d be sergeants.”

– Terry Pratchett – The Fifth Elephant

Regular

“Vimes hated and despised the privileges of rank, but they had this to be said for them: at least they meant that you could hate and despise them in comfort.”

– Terry Pratchett – The Fifth Elephant

Regular

“Across the street, a clown picked up a ladder, turned, knocked the clown behind him into a bucket of water, then turned again to see what the commotion was, thus sending his rising victim into the bucket again with a surprising parping noise. The crowd watched silently. If it were funny, clowns wouldn’t be doing it.”

– Terry Pratchett – The Fifth Elephant

Regular

“The really odd thing about human sex, though, was the way it went on even when people were fully clothed and sitting on opposite sides of a fire. It was in the things they said and did not say, the way they looked at one another and looked away.”

– Terry Pratchett – The Fifth Elephant

Regular

“Vimes was hazy on rural issues, but weren’t there supposed to be charcoal burners, woodcutters, and … he tried to think … little girls taking goodies to granny? The stories Vimes had learned as a kid suggested that all forests were full of bustle, activity, and the occasional scream. But this place was silent.”

– Terry Pratchett – The Fifth Elephant

Regular

“Contrary to legend – and there are so many legends about wolves, although mostly they are legends about the way men think about wolves – a trapped wolf is more likely to whine and fawn than go wild with rage.”

– Terry Pratchett – The Fifth Elephant

Regular

“He ached all over. It wasn’t just that his brain was writing checks that his body couldn’t cash. It had gone beyond that. Now his feet were borrowing money that his legs hadn’t got, and his back muscles were looking for loose change under the sofa cushions.”

– Terry Pratchett – The Fifth Elephant