Category: discworld quotes

Regular

“Sometimes scientists change their minds. New developments cause a rethink. If this bothers you, consider how much damage is being done to the world by people for whom new developments do not cause a rethink.”

– Terry Pratchett, with Ian Stewart and Cohen – The Science Of Discworld #1

Regular

“There should be a word for that brief period just after waking when the mind is full of warm pink nothing.  You lie there entirely empty of thought, except for a growing suspicion that heading towards you, like a sockful of damp sand in a nocturnal alleyway, are all the recollections you’d really rather do without, and which amount to the fact that the only mitigating factor in your horrible future is the certainty that it will be quite short.”

– Terry Pratchett – Mort

Regular

“The Rite of AshkEnte, quite simply, summons and binds Death.  Students of the occult will be aware that it can be performed with a simple incantation, three small bits of wood and 4cc of mouse blood, but no wizard worth his pointy hat would dream of doing anything so unimpressive; they knew in their hearts that if a spell didn’t involve big yellow candles, lots of rare incense, circles drawn on the floor with eight different colours of chalk and a few cauldrons around the place then it simply wasn’t worth contemplating.”

– Terry Pratchett – Mort

Regular

‘Then Mort said, ‘What do all those symbols mean?’

‘Sodomy non sapiens,’ said Albert under his breath.

‘What does that mean?’

‘Means I’m buggered if I know.’

– Terry Pratchett – Mort

Regular

“It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever,’ he said.  ‘Have you thought of going into teaching?’

Death’s face was a mask of terror.  Well it was always a mask of terror, but this time he meant it to be.”

– Terry Pratchett – Mort

Regular

“Obviously we shouldn’t get married, if only for the sake of the children.”

– Terry Pratchett – Mort

Regular

“History unravels gently, like an old sweater.  It has been patched and darned many times, reknitted to suit different people, shoved in a box under the sink of censorship to be cut up for the dusters of propaganda, yet it always – eventually – manages to spring back into its old familiar shape.  History has a habit of changing the people who think they are changing it.  History always has a few tricks up its frayed sleeve.  It’s been around a long time.”

– Terry Pratchett – Mort

Regular

“A stuffed alligator is absolutely standard equipment in any properly-run magical establishment.  This one looked as though it hadn’t enjoyed it much.”

– Terry Pratchett – Mort

Regular

“There are many things to be said about cabbages. One may talk at length about their high vitamin content, their vital iron contribution, the valuable roughage and commendable food value. In the mass, however, they lack a certain something: despite their claim to immense nutritional and moral superiority over, say, daffodils, they have never been a sight to inspire the poet’s muse. Unless he was hungry, of course.”

– Terry Pratchett – Mort

Regular

“Albert grunted.  ‘Do you know what happens to lads who ask too many questions?’

Mort thought for a moment.

‘No,’ he said eventually, ‘what?’

There was silence.

Then Albert straightened up and said, ‘Damned if I know.  Probably they get answers, and serve ‘em right.’ 

– Terry Pratchett – Mort