anyway I’ve had some sherry. What a time. 

also apparently Sherry!Something Wicked just wants to talk about their love of Lord Downey. 


tell us even more about our fav trashbag assassin

He is a trashbag. A trashbag of brandy and butterflies. That nerd. 

So I have a lot of feelings about Downey and I keep dropping them all over the floor, it’s shameful. I love that he has had more character development off screen than most of the main characters have had on screen. Phenomenal. 

I love his love of dogs and that he keeps tabs on the local neighbourhood dogs. The fact that Gaspode & Friends are Team Downey re: the Assassins’ Guild shows that Downey is clearly a good person at least on some fundamental level. Dogs know. 

I love that he doesn’t call Vetinari anything (not havelock, not his lordship etc.). To my mind this means he still thinks of him as Dog-botherer (dOg-bOthereR) aka DB (that’s the rapper name Downey has assigned Vetinari. Vetinari hates it) and doesn’t want to risk saying the name out loud. 

I love Downey’s sense of humour which is “can I add more puns to it? What would make this situation better? Puns.” Even his nick-names are pun-y. He is convinced it’s the highest form of humour. Also it means that he has one of those minds that thinks like that – not everyone can pun with ease. 

So I am convinced that Downey one time killed a serial killer because the man was a mess and needed Sorting (Downey is a great believer in having things Sorted). Anyway, Vimes got angry because Extrajudicial Killing and Outside the Law and This Is My Jurisdiction. Downey was naturally unapologetic, the man was up to murder #8, what was he supposed to do? Wait around until the cops caught the guy? Assuming they ever did, because there’s a high chance they never would. Anyway, Vimes throws a tantrum in his way. Downey is like, Fine won’t do it again. Cue Carcer and that fiasco. Downey’s sitting there filing his nails like “what is this? is that screaming from someone being mutilated I hear? is that the cops inability to track someone down? oh well, apparently the law knows best.” Continues filing his nails. 

Obviously you all know that I am, without a hint of irony etc., convinced Downey and Vetinari shack up at some point. Probably later in life – like they hit their 50s and have calmed down and gotten over themselves enough. Both of them are complete tits so they needed that time to be tits. 

I’m also convinced Downey’s had Bad Experiences with cops, hence his extreme dislike of Vimes et al. This also would have been around the time when Snapcase was culling the guild and I doubt there was much distinction between the various levels and modes of state sanctioned violence and murder. Downey, being one of life’s survivors, made it through but now, for better or worse, sees uniforms as Inherently Untrustworthy Because I Know What They Do To People In Those Cells.

Downey’s two dogs are the sweetest lumps of fluff. One is a borzoi and the other is a giant, monstrous bear hound who just likes to sleep under Downey’s desk. Only he can’t fit anymore, since he’s not a puppy, and settles for shoving his head under the desk so when people walk in half the dog is ontop of Downey’s feet and the back half is sticking out awkwardly in the officer floor. Downey wears an expression that says, “what?” 

OMG That Downey knows the Hogfather is real and waits to hear the bells every Hogswatch. YOU’RE SO SWEET. stop. 

Also that his door is always open to students speaks VOLUMES about him as a teacher and guild master. 

Ok I’m done for now. I love ranting about this trashbag. I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS and headcanons and thoughts and ah. I want books just about him and Ludo and Vetinari being trash together.